please oh please
TAKE ME BACK TO FRANCE
all summer, drinking water, trying to keep your eyes dry
i cannot wait for summer. every year i tell myself its going to be the best one yet, but honestly i’ve been so sheltered that i really haven’t lived any of my summers to the fullest. im tired of living in an innocent little bubble. this summer is going to be fucking fantastic. i’m going to france for 2 weeks with people from rio, going to canada with my two friends, getting my license, and lots of partaaaays. its time for me to let loose and live life how i want to.
party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party party
oh how i wish
i wish i didn’t know you, i wish i had never met you, or talked to you. i wish i never liked you, or hugged you, or touched you, or kissed you. i wish i never went out with you, i wish i never fell for you. i wish you weren’t so cruel. i wish you didn’t tell me my life is pathetic, how i treat my best friend like shit, how i should do everyone a favor and transfer from rio, how you told my friends “i put that bitch in her place”, how im a stuck up bitch, how im a dumbass, how if you had the chance you would have punched me in the face, how i treat all boys like crap because of my dads issues. i wish you didn’t say that last part, that was so incredibly low for you to use my families issues against me. i wish i had never trusted you enough to let you into that part of my life, the part that no one except sammy knows. i wish you didn’t go out of your way to make me feel worthless, you said it yourself that you wanted me to hurt. i wish i had listened to my family, my friends, everyone around me who warned me about you. but no one could have known how fucked up you are. i wish you didn’t have the power to manipulate my feelings; telling me you loved me one day, then hooking up and going out with girls the next. or telling me im a selfish heartless bitch and if i weren’t so attractive i’d have no friends, then telling me im ridiculously gorgeous. i bet you use your heatmelting lines on all the girls. i wish you never told me you loved me, that you cared about me. i wish i was stronger, to see how controlling and screwed up you are. how i put up with your verbal abuse for so long because im used to it in my family. and thats the scariest part, that i put up with your issues, your hurtful words, our dysfunctional relationship. i wish i knew what it felt like to actually be loved and cared for. i wish you didn’t go out of your way to make me feel like dirt, to feel distrust, to harass me, to verbally attack me. but that was your mission: to make me feel worse than i have ever felt in my life. i wish you never texted me on thursday night, and i wish i didn’t have to call my bestfriend to read your texts, crying so hard i couldn’t speak or breathe. i wish you would stop texting me cruel things. i wish girls wouldn’t fall for you, and i hope they don’t in the future. no girl should ever feel the way i felt. i wish i didn’t have to come to school everyday with a fake smile plastered on my face, acting like im strong and that i’m happy, but knowing inside im crying, im nervous to see your face, im scared of you. i wish i didn’t have to have an emergency counselor meeting on friday because of how scared and emotionally detroyed i was from what you said to me. i wish i had never cared for you, never liked you, never kissed you, never held your hand. but most of all, i wish i never gave you my heart. you didn’t deserve it, and you’ve destroyed it. you crushed it, and ripped it up to pieces. i wish i wasn’t so scared of relationships now. all of the men in my life have let me down, and now you’re one of them. i wish people knew who you really are. fuck you for making me feel like shit, fuck you for verbally abusing me, fuck you for saying you “loved me”, for saying you “cared”, for saying im beautiful, how you were lucky to have me, for telling me i was so special. fuck you for the memories that will never fade away; the good and the bad. fuck you for making me feel loved, only to feel utterly worthless in the end. fuck you in general, you deserve no one.
